I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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