thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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