I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
