Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
