I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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