i just had sex bonerless
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
