I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
