I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
