I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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