no, he came in my armpit
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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