You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
