ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
