we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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