Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
