No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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