I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
