You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
