it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My cat gives me a boner
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
im holly from the hills drunk
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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