those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
