Apparently you make a good broom.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
