North Korea, Best Korea!
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
