Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
