Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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