Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
