she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
