I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I need a beard to bite.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
