cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
