oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
