omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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