He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
