I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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