We're like a lot better than the average bears
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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