I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Randomize