my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
