My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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