we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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