All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I think my moral compass just broke
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
