i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
