i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
