So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
you had me at cake vodka
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
