Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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