ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
