I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
