cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Houston, we have a blender
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
