when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
