oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
please come you make the beer taste better
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
