We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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