I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
