why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
