Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
