it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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