I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
