I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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