i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
